Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Manacles! Ooooh, my idea of heaven, is to be allowed to be put in manacles. Just for a few hours. They must think the sun shines out your ass, sonny. Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke you vacuous, toffy-nosed, malodorous pervert! I will not have my fwends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody else feel like a little… giggle… when I mention my fwiend… Biggus… Dickus? If we took the bones out, it wouldn’t be crunchy, would it? Oh, oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what’s coming to you! I’ll bite your legs off! In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.

Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? It’s not pining, it’s passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s metabolic processes are now history! He’s off the twig! He’s kicked the bucket, he’s shuffled off the mortal coil, rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!

All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king. I’m not a roman mum, I’m a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I’m kosher mum, I’m a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it! I’m Brian, and so’s my wife! There’s no Messiah in here. There’s a mess all right, but no Messiah. Now go away!